Life Orient-ing

 It has been quite the emotional roller coaster since I last posted! Both with work and my personal life, so much has happened since being back at site as an official, sworn in volunteer!

Directly after our celebrations in Pretoria, all of the volunteers headed back to site. Saying goodbye to everyone was super emotional, especially since South Africa is huge, and we are all so spread out. Some of my best friends live at least two full days of travel away from me, so knowing that unless we planned travel together, I might not see them until who knows when, was hard to wrap my mind around. A fellow PCV, Britt Molde and I stayed back in Pretoria after everyone left because we were chosen to be funded by Peace Corps to attend South Africa's Annual Conference on Orphans, Vulnerable Children, and Youth. A very early morning days later, we flew to Durban with Ethel and Bridget, two Peace Corps staff members, Kristen, Dan, Allie, Anna, and Will, other volunteers, met us there. Durban is an incredibly beautiful place. A beach town filled with people from all different social, racial, and cultural backgrounds, it has so much to offer in terms of aesthetics, food, culture, and entertainment. Peace Corps put us up in a hotel on the water with an incredible breakfast buffet, so our free time was spent either taking advantage of the wifi, jumping in the ocean, or eating delicious food. Durban has a large Indian population, and one of the most popular dishes they serve are various types of spicy curries. I was in heaven. Bunny chow, their most common, is half a loaf of bread, gutted out and filled with your choice of a meat or vegetable curry. It is then served with tons of different cucumber and carrot relishes. I had been hearing about it for months so I was so excited to finally try it!

Aside from the food, the conference was a great experience. I applied to present on theories and practices I learned during my time as a camp counselor at Tom Sawyer Camps, on the ability of trust and peer encouragement exercises to empower children of all cultures. I had never done anything like that before in my life, so I was definitely nervous, but overall it went smoothly! I felt so honored to be surrounded by such well known and accomplished people in the field, and the presentations I listened to were very inspiring! I also really enjoyed getting to know Ethel and Bridget on a more personal level, they are both so kind and down to earth and I enjoyed hearing about their lives, what brought them to Peace Corps, etc.

After we got back to Pretoria and were en route back to site, I started to feel so anxious. I had not been back to my site in over a month, and I was more nervous this time than I was the first time I ever went! I think it was because I knew what I was headed for. Peace Corps is an incredible experience don't get me wrong, but a lot of it is so immensely challenging and emotionally difficult. The isolation, loneliness, and constant cultural clash definitely wears on a person. Our first speed bump happened before we even left Pretoria, when Britt and I waited for a taxi to fill until it was almost dark. She ended up coming back to my site and staying the night with me, because there was no way she would have made it home before dark. We watched Under The Tuscan Sun and chatted, and that morning she was on her way back to her site and I was on my own again.

Those first few weeks back at site were honestly brutal. I had gotten so used to being around Americans all the time and being so busy that I felt like I was adjusting to everything again for the first time. Schools were closed for 4 weeks, so my village was pretty quiet which made things even harder. I was playing the waiting game to start any projects, since most of them revolved around local schools and administrations. Nevertheless, I got through it and everything started back up again.

During my time off, I turned 23! I spent the night at my friend Lilly's site with another fellow PCV, Eva, and we just drank cider, ate way too much chocolate and talked. It was a totally perfect, mellow Peace Corps birthday and I felt so lucky to have great people in my area to spend it with. Other volunteers really do get you through service! Another birthday present I received was meeting a new friend. I was at a local shop buying myself some birthday cookies when this elderly woman tapped me on the shoulder and told me she wanted to get to know me. She had to be in her late 80's, and she spoke perfect English and wore the biggest smile. Her name is Marie, and she is originally from Capetown, although now she resides in my village. She has held many jobs, including being on the school governing board, and is a very social lady who knows so much about the people and background of Digwale. From time to time now I stop by her house and have tea with her, as she calls it, “chatting,” which she tells me she loves to do, and I really enjoy her company. She is such a kind, understanding,smart, and supportive lady who is always so excited when I walk into her front yard, so I feel very lucky she wants to “chat” with me!

I also visited my friend MJ's site over the school holidays for 4th of July. One of my best friends in Peace Corps, and only 10 USD away from me, I am so glad she is close by! We spent the weekend at her site cooking, drinking, and talking, and I had so much fun. Sometimes you don't realize how accustomed you get to the pace and serenity of village life. I was reminded of it when MJ and I went to town to get groceries. Coming home was so calming, and we were perfectly content sitting and talking for 3 whole days, barely leaving her little room, something when I first got to site made me so stir crazy! Needless to say, village visits will keep me sane during service for sure.

Once school started, I had a lot of work to do! It took me 3 months, but I finally set up a schedule for teaching at 3 different schools! On Mondays and Fridays, I teach Life Orientation, a basic mental and physical health class to 6th graders, and on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, I split my time between teaching Life Orientation to 5th grade and 8th grade, and helping out at my organization with whatever projects they have going on at the time. It feels great to have my schedule packed with activities where I have an actual purpose, and a role in my community. I am also continuing to work on my after school dance project at the youth center, which will take time, and I want to start an after school tutoring program a few times a week. I am loving teaching in the schools. The administration is so supportive and I love spending time with the kids in my community, they make this worth it!

Throughout my time re-integrating into my local schools, I made a point of reaching out to administrators who lived locally and letting them know I wanted a host family and to let me know if they had recommendations. In Peace Corps South Africa, most volunteers live on a family's compound, in a back house with their own entrance. They have their own space, but at the same time have a family to spend time with if they so choose. I did not have a host family. I live in my own space, and two other tenants live next door to me but are by no means my “host” family, we all have one landlord, who is associated with my organization. Although I have great neighbors, I felt very isolated and alone in my living situation. I tried to adjust but just had this gut feeling it would be better to be surrounded by more people, both for my service and my mental health.

A local principal introduced me her in laws, a grandma, her three daughters, and all of their kids, who had a back house they were willing to rent out. The second I stepped into their house I felt at ease and so excited at the prospect of living with them. The kids were so sweet and the grandma completely understands my needs for privacy but company as well. Peace Corps approved my house, and I will be moving in the next month! I am so excited and cannot wait to get settled in with them! I feel so very fortunate that I reached out to this principal and that her family was interested. Cannot wait!

In the coming couple months I will be taking a trip to the Wild Coast for a five day hike with a few friends, as well as celebrating a close friends birthday at a bar/hostel in Tzaneen. Stay tuned!

Pictures Attached: My new friend Marie, Pictures from OVCY Conference and Durban, Bunny Chow (haha), Pretoria celebrations after swear in, my new host grandma, my life orientation students, my supervisor's adorable daughter, site visit at MJ's, etc. hope you enjoy!

As always, I miss you all more than you know, and home as well as my friends and family are on my mind and in my heart every day. Thanks for reading!!

All my love,

H

The Reasons I Stay.

I wanted to write about something a little bit different this post. I will catch you all up on what has been happening at site eventually, but today I wanted to talk about the rejection and failure that comes with Peace Corps service, and why it is important to stick it out. Often times when I call home I notice I am venting or expressing stuff about my host country that infuriates me, saddens me, or upsets me, so today I am going to emphasize why I stay.

Yesterday I had nothing and yet everything to lose. I am starting a dance class at a local youth center, about an hour walk away from me, with a group of staff who are extremely fun to be around and all very motivated. We discussed the possibility of starting an after school girls' club that discusses sexual health and substance abuse which we would mix with a dance class once a week. We posted fliers, spread the word, and worked with local groups who all said they would help recruit students. I bought speakers, spent time making up a class that catered to all levels and was so excited to teach dance again, something I had not done in over a year and is so central to who I am and what I love. I walked over there in high spirits and waited for 45 minutes to find not only was my counterpart not there, minimal staff were around, my fliers which I had posted were gone and replaced with fliers for a local tavern party that coming weekend, and not a single participant showed up. After waiting fifteen more minutes for good measure, I walked home in tears and completely embraced feeling sorry for myself for the next couple hours. Lame, but what I needed to process at the time.

At first, my mind was filled with anger, frustration, sadness and so much doubt about myself. Here I am trying to hard to bring something free and fun to the local youth so they do not get caught up in risky behavior, and I barely got the time of day. Its times like these where I can't help but think, what the heck am I doing here? Am I needed? Will I make a difference? What is wrong with me? Am I not trying hard enough? The list goes on and on. But then, the switch, like most that are completely unexpected from day to day here, happened to me on my walk home.

I had my headphones in planning to shut out my entire village for the reminder of the evening when I started to look around me seeing all of these little kids from door to door, in parts of the village I had never been, smiling at me, calling my Sepedi name, and reaching their hands out to me to greet them. It continued the entire way home, from two year olds to ten year olds, with their huge smiles and giggly voices, and me greeting them made them so happy and filled them with love they maybe did not experience that day otherwise. They made me laugh, made me feel loved, and made me feel noticed here. I had been dwelling on how much youth “must hate me and not want me here,” and I was missing all these little faces who only wanted to say hi and show me their excitement to see me. I was missing all of that from focusing on the bad.

The kids here are the light of this country. Their laughter and the way they get so much happiness from a little hug,  a game, a song, or a silly face can bring happiness to me on even the worst of days. They all have so much potential to get an education, make something of themselves, and hopefully make a difference in this world someday. They are the reason I stay. They are the reason I am waking up today and willing to try again, and probably again after that, even if I continue to fail at my projects or my work. They help me believe this is exactly where I am supposed to be. Even on the darkest of days I can look at them and know this is exactly where I belong, even if I get rejected or spat out on my butt after working hard on a project, these little ones want me here and I can see that.

So family and friends, know that there is so much beauty here and often times when I call and complain to you, I am being ignorant and ignoring all that is around me, choosing to focus on the bad. Next time, tell me to stop! Life comes with bumps in the road, and it isn't always someone's fault.

To fellow PCV's, when you are having a day like this, know we will all go through this, probably multiple times. It is what makes those other little moments and rays of sunshine so worth it when they do happen, and hey are worth sticking it out for, even when all you want to do is jump on the closest plane and travel as far away as you can from this place. When there is a slump or a bad day, it means something good is on the horizon.

Almost every day, I have reasons I want to go home to the states and reasons to doubt my purpose here. But when I look around and see those small reasons to stay, somehow they always weigh so much more than my reasons to go. Here are a few pictures of those wonderful little reasons that get me through the day, and I can only hope I will touch their lives in the ways they have already touched mine. 

Finally an Official Volunteer!

Ahhhh it has been so long since my last post. I think I need to start writing these more often! There is a lot to cover.

After I last wrote, my routine of settling into site was pretty much the same. Lots of meeting with school staff (there are six schools in my area all of which I want to help out at), meeting with health care providers, locals, attempting to integrate, and writing my community needs assessment. It felt great to be busy and hear from actual people about what my community needs, and to start brainstorming projects. As of now, I know I definitely want to teach dance classes, help teaching Life Orientation (health class) and English in some of the lower performing schools in Digwale, volunteer at local crèches (pre-schools), help a group of women develop their exercise program, and brainstorm ways for my organization to develop funding strategies so they do not have to rely solely on Department of Social Development, which is often unreliable in my province.

Even though the integration phase was pretty hectic, I was able to take two small weekend trips to take a little break from village life which was nice. The first trip was to Nelspruit with two other volunteers, Lane and Leah. Nelspruit is a lush and green travel destination which has a ton of gorgeous waterfalls and is also very close to Kruger National Park. We did a lot of relaxing, eating, and drinking and got to meet some locals who drove us all around to see some gorgeous views as well. I also got to go to Bronkhorspruit, which is a town about an hour from me. It has a dive bar/hostel called the Sinkshack and a Buddhist Temple (random, I know) and me and some other Education volunteers went for the weekend in April. Education volunteers came the June before I arrived, and they are the closest proximity to me in terms of visiting. I have to say, I have loved getting to know them! George, Sharon, Lily, Eva, and Carolyn are their names and I feel very lucky to be close to such awesome people. Our weekender was just an overnight trip, filled with lots of eating, drinking, and dancing as well haha. Sometimes that is all you need!

By the time it was time to head to Pretoria to catch a ride back to Mosesetjane for phase 3 of training, I could not believe that seven weeks had gone by! I remember sitting in my little room thinking, this time is going to go by so slowly since I cannot start any projects until after I swear-In, and sometimes, it did, but overall once I started scheduling meetings it just flew! I found it really hard to believe that I hadn’t seen some of my cohort in almost two months.

It is hard to explain how much the support and friendship from other PCV’s truly gets you through some of the hardest times in your service. Volunteers and friends who were so far away from me, sometimes even a two day trip to get to, I talked to every day and we shared our highs and lows and made each other laugh via text message. It was such an emotional experience to give those first few hugs and actually see other Americans in person!  Volunteers from Mpumalanga and KZN provinces were able to stay the night in Pretoria on April 26^th before traveling back for training. We all ate and went out together to some local bars which was so much fun! Needless to say, the next morning many of us were definitely struggling. Finally, buses arrived and we were on our way to Mosesetjane to be reunited with our host families! It was so sweet to watch each volunteer get dropped off and their host siblings run out giving them huge hugs, so thrilled to see them. I was last, and was welcomed home with a huge braii (barbeque) where my host brother Alfred was cooking steaks and chicken. My family had bought wine, pre-made salads, and all of this food for the occasion and we all spent the night talking, laughing, and catching up. It is crazy how relative everything is.  I remember sobbing my first night with the Kekana family during phase one of training, missing my real mom and dad and siblings, and coming to them that night truly felt like coming home from college on a weekend for the first time or something. Don’t worry family, not replacing you, just giving examples haha. I slept so soundly knowing my friends were blocks away, my family was there with me, and that I had the comfort of human connection all around me. I am not saying I don’t have that option in Digwale where my site is, but it is definitely different!

Training has been pretty similar to the old format, presentations and technical trainings on health outreach. The last two weeks of training, we got bussed in to a lodge where our counterparts and supervisors from site were staying, and we worked together to create sustainable income generating activities, community development projects, etc.  Right now, we get up at 5 AM every day and get bussed to Shikwaru Lodge, about an hour away where we meet with our counterparts and supervisors from site to do workshops together.

One of the most exciting experiences this past month happened when I got to meet the Peace Corps acting director, Carrie Hessler-Radelet. She came to see our training class on her way to the airport and gave us such inspiration with her stories of service. She emphasized the capability of people to touch each others’ hearts, and really rejuvenated a lot of us who were feeling pretty tired! Her visit just reaffirmed how truly happy I am to be here, and how much I know this is exactly what I should be doing.

The last meaningful part of phase three was SWEAR IN! Finally, I thought it might never come! We were all so happy to say our oaths and celebrate the end of being trainees, and now I am in Pretoria for the weekend and will attend a conference on Orphans and Vulnerable Children tomorrow in Durban where I will actually be presenting! I am happy to be able to see a new part of South Africa and learn more about the populations I want to help.

I think that is about all the information I have for now, and sometimes I feel pictures speak more loudly than my descriptions, so enjoy them! J

Love and miss you all so much!

h

Pictures include the director visit, swear in, my host family in mosesetjane, our retreat in the mountains, some random site visits, etc.! Hope you enjoy